So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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