guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
