At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
