i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
