I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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