So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
