New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
