we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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