so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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