also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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