I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
