This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
