i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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