Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
