Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
