My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
