i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
