NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
