so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
