I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like death gave me a hand job
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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