you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
