dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
