covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
