so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize