i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
