I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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