Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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