the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
