what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
