Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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