he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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