yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
