Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
