The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
