Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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