he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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