My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
