I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
