Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
