im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
