I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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