Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize