Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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