He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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