Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
