i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
