when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
