I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
