just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
