wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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