wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
