the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
