we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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