I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
