Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
