She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
