Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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