I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
