next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
