There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
