What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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