Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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