She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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