in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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