i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize