Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
