I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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