I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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