Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
