He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
