i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize