the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
