I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
