normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
