just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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