i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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